Selfishness: being concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself; seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.
Selflessness: the quality of unselfish concern for the welfare of others.
When thinking of these two extremes, there is an obvious choice in terms of which characteristic we would all want to be portrayed as. Clearly we would all (or most of us at least) want to be considered selfless people. Selfless people are concerned for the welfare of others and are considered a virtue in many cultures. Selflessness is a characteristic of those who want to do good without reward. Who would want to be known as a selfish person? A selfish person disregards others for self interest. I only bring this up because selfishness and altruism are often the extreme characteristics that can describe the decisions we make. Our decisions and actions can easily be labeled as selfless ones or selfish ones.
After pondering over these two extremes for a while I realized that I personally want to be a selfless person. I think it’s great to focus actions towards helping others. However, I think it’s difficult to maintain this extreme for every action one would take. Ideally, yes…someone who is 100% selfless would do so much good in the world and can really make a difference. But I think that in order to be truly content with yourself, you have to be a little selfish at times. There’s that cliché, “in order to take care of others, you must first learn to take care of yourself.” I think clichés are like stereotypes. They aren’t always true, but there is a reason that these phrases or statements/generalizations are generated. They are frequently observed in our world. So yes…I agree, “in order to take care of others, you must first learn to take care of yourself.” People need to be selfish at times in order to be able to be selfless in the future. And of course…when I say this I don’t mean that people should be overly selfish at times so that later they can be selfless. I just mean that it’s ok to be selfish when the purpose is working towards altruism.
One example I can think of was my desire to apply for SPOP Coord my senior year. I was fortunate enough to experience two amazing years in this program. I learned so much about myself and life in general by participating in a program that focuses on giving back to the campus and community. I loved the fact that I learned things and gained skills that I was not looking for. So as a graduating senior, I wanted to be able to give back one last time; and be selfless. I wanted to devote hours of my day (that I probably couldn’t afford to give) to this amazing program in order to help develop the returning staffers, first time staffers, and freshmen. So, basically the point is I had my heart set on applying. Before I got the chance to fill out the application I talked to my mom about my decision to apply. She knew that I really loved the program and wanted to give back a 3rd year in a row, but she told me otherwise. She said that it’s not a good idea and that I shouldn’t do it. I really didn’t want to follow her advice. At the time I was just thinking that “she’s a parent and she doesn’t understand.” But we all know that our parents DO in fact understand. Our parents are a lot smarter than we think. She told me that I had given back for 2 years already and it was time to focus on myself. I still didn’t want to listen to her. I wanted to apply for a chance to play a large role in this amazing program (that changes lives) more than anything at the time. But my mom was right. As a graduating senior, about to enter the “real world” I needed to focus on myself. I needed to be selfish at that moment so that I could be even more selfless later on. At the time (fall quarter of senior year) my GPA was just under 3.0 and I had no research or internship experience. I realized that I had to invest that time into bringing my grades up and finding research opportunities so that I could get a decent job (or any job at all) or get into graduate school. And as a result of selfishly spending that time on research and school work…I can proudly say that I work at a great biomedical company and am making a larger contribution to society because of my selfishness. And this is what makes me happy. So what I learned about myself is that I want to be a selfless person…but at times it’s ok to be selfish if it’s for a greater cause. This mentality can be applied to so many other aspects and situations in life.
I really think that our actions boil down to happiness. What creates happiness and what actions can one take to achieve happiness? People can be selfish and concerned with their own well being because they want to be happy. Selfless people are concerned with others…but they can be just as happy or happier. Happiness can’t be measured quantitatively, but both selfishness and selflessness are just two of the many sources of happiness. I say that ultimately, everyone should do what makes them happy. This doesn’t mean everyone should solely focus on themselves. Being selfless and helping others is a great way to feel happier. Here are 10 things science says will make you happy:
- Savor everyday moments – pause now and then to smell a rose or watch children at play.
- Avoid comparisons – comparing ourselves to others can be damaging to happiness and self-esteem. Instead of comparing, focusing on our own personal achievement leads to greater satisfaction.
- Put money low on the list – people who put money high on their priority list are more at risk for depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. The more we seek satisfaction in material goods, the less we find them there.
- Have meaningful goals – People who strive for something significant, whether it’s learning a new craft or raising moral children, are far happier than those who don’t have strong dreams or aspirations. As humans, we actually require a sense of meaning to thrive. Happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure and meaning. Whether at work or at home, the goal is to engage in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable.
- Take the initiative at work – how happy you are at work depends in part on how much initiative you take. When we express creativity, help others, suggest improvements, or do additional tasks on the job, we make our work more rewarding and feel more in control.
- Make friends, treasure family – happier people tend to have good families, friends, and supportive relationships. It’s not enough to be the life of the party if you’re surrounded by shallow acquaintances. We don’t just need relationships; we need close ones that will involve understanding and caring.
- Smile even when you don’t feel like it – it sounds simple, but it works. Happy people see possibilities, opportunities, and success. When they think of the future, they are optimistic, and when they review the past, they tend to savor the high points. Even if you weren’t born looking at the glass half-full, with practice, a positive outlook can become a good habit.
- Say Thank You like you mean it - People who keep gratitude journals on a weekly basis are healthier, more optimistic, and more likely to make progress toward achieving personal goals
- Get out and exercise - in addition to health benefits, regular exercise offers a sense of accomplishment and opportunity for social interaction, releases feel-good endorphins, and boosts self-esteem.
- Give it away, give it away, give it away now! - Make altruism and giving part of your life, and be purposeful about it. Helping a neighbor, volunteering, or donating goods and services results in a “helper’s high,” and you get more health benefits than you would from exercise or quitting smoking. Listening to a friend, passing on your skills, celebrating others’ successes, and forgiveness also contribute to happiness. Those who spend money on others reported much greater happiness than those who spend it on themselves.
DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
And no…I’m not feeling depressed right now. This list was just something I stumbled upon. I had a lot of down time today and my mind kept wandering.
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